So here's what happened.

My friend told me that her grandfather was lying in hospital and doing not so well. As in... the doc said his time is almost up. He caught some virus from another patient and now only a few people (with masks and protective clothing) can visit him lest they catch the virus too.

I was pretty upset when I heard this because my friend's family aren't Christians so I prayed that somehow, something would happen and her grandpa would be able to hear the word of God before he passed on. I also asked her to talk to him about God and all even though she wasn't really a Christian as well. (desperate times call for desperate measures!) She didn't reply to my msg on msn because she kept on rambling about his virus so i thought she didn't read what I wrote.

So anyway, a few days later I msned her and asked how her grandpa was. She told me he was doing better and that her aunt who's a Christian, brought her pastor along to visit him.

I was really amazed because I had so little faith that God would do something like that. i thought that her whole family wasn't Christian because she gave me that idea some time ago on msn. anyway, somewhere in the scripture it says that God can move a mountain with a(our) faith of a mustard seed. and that was indeed true. Now I (we) just have to keep praying that he accepts Jesus. :)

So I was out of my apartment at 1010 on my way to a voice lesson with a Juilliard teacher at 11. I got on the train. It stopped at 79th street for quite some time. I was getting a little anxious and uncomfortable because it was already 10.40 and this black guy sitting opposite me was sketching my face. argh.

then suddenly, we heard this other black man from the other carriage yelling that he didn't assault the woman in that same carriage he was in. He ran out and the MTA officers (train staff) were holding him back and trying to pull him to one side while he kept yelling that he didn't touch the woman. I seriously couldn't care less. I just wanted to get to my 125 USD lesson on time. but of course there was alot of dilly dallying as the police officers had to be called. Commuters were standing up (some were outside surrounding the man and the officers). It kinda looked like an act. Like all of them just walked outta the train at the same time and surrounded and stopped and stared at the violent man (AT THE SAME TIME) yelling away and trying to bash his way through to make an escape. Someone yelled, "I gotta get ta work!"

The clock was ticking. It was 1045. I simply had no time for this. I walked out and went to grab a cab. It took me some time. Many people followed me outta the subway. This lady said, " This is why I don't take the subway." Then her friend replied, "But this doesn't EVER happen!" haahaha

Anyway, there were many police cars outside the subway and thank God I managed to steal a cab. Well I didn't exactly steal. People were in front of me waving their arms but this taxi driver happened to stop in front of me. wow. so Thank God. He was this Israeli guy who was shocked to see why so many people were waving for cabs. He asked if the train broke down or sth. So I explained it to him and I think he was so drama about it. ahahah So cute. Anyway I wasn't late for my lesson. PHEW! I think I stayed in the same apartment(as the Juilliard teacher) last March when I came here for auditions.

nyc is boring. Yet, it's very happening.

I had a pretty cool time with Audrey and her bf, Ray. I met her at forever 21. Audrey was totally GAGA over it. and i felt like some old aunty who wasn't. anyway, i was glad she was enjoying herself and tired because I didn't know where I could take her. They said they just wanted to sit down and have a drink so I took them to a Korean cafe.

We had a great chat and at 615, I brought them to Dallas BBQ where we had dinner with her friend, Diane who visited Sydney where Audrey and Ray are studying. Diane's friend, Chelsea from Illinois was there too.

It was sooo crowded. We had to queue for about half an hour or a bit more. The staff called our names using a microphone. hahaha it totally felt like a dimsum restaurant in chinatown on a Sunday morning.

After a super long talk, we were asked to pay the bill by the waiter who obviously wanted us outta there in a second because many others were waiting for the table.
We got out and went our separate ways after taking several pictures at Times Square.

And yes. Audrey is going back to forever 21 tomorrow. :)


oh ya. There was this Asian girl who sat opposite me in the train on my way to meet Audrey and Ray. When I took the train back at night, she was in the same carriage as me! That is really rare.

I actually Cooked my first lunch(and not heat some food) in the new apt

Golden rays of yellow
happy in its days
Alas it was not to last
It sets under that mask

withering nature
gloom invades
death enters
silence pervades

The Queen dismounts from her carriage
and finally arrives at her post
Seated on the throne
Spring at its most

13 Oct 2009

I was feeling really stressed out this past few weeks due to anxiousness and worry about not being able to enter into the Bachelor’s program. Everything seemed bleak and the road ahead seemed really hazy. It was getting difficult to understand lessons taught and my voice lessons weren’t going as well as I hoped it’d be. I kinda felt a little useless because everyone seemed to be going somewhere. My friends who were behind me are now ahead. I just seemed to be stuck. Right here. Where I don’t even wanna be. I didn’t wanna write it for all of you to know cuz I just… didn’t. (and of course mom doesn’t want me disclosing my FEELINGS) anyway, I have this testimony to share, hence the entry.

I went to church on Sunday. Before that, I was in the train feeling rather upset and useless at myself for not being able to do what I want to do here. I was never really talented at… well… anything and I have been telling God for the past few weeks that I just wanted to be good at ONE thing- music. I prayed that God will speak to me through the pastor in church that evening.

That night, I heard a testimony that was very moving. This lady told God that she wanted Him to show himself small and personal in her life. She said that in the bible, God said to be “anxious and worried for nothing”. And just by that sentence, she has been testing God again and again and He always came through for her. One morning, she was driving in her car on the way to work. While she was driving, she suddenly realized that she left the keys to the workplace at home. If she went back to get it, she’d be late for work. Hence she prayed and told God that He said to be anxious and worried for NOTHING. So she was going to put all her trust in God. When she reached the workplace, she saw a light inside. And the door was unlocked. Praise the Lord. This never happened again.

Another time, she was very poor and she had to go for this party where she had to pay 30 dollars for a present she was sharing with her friends. Again she told God that she will be worried and anxious for NOTHING. And just hours before she went out, (I hope I remember correctly), she found 10 dollars on the floor, and just as she felt a craving for hot cocoa, she found another 10 dollars behind the cocoa box. And just as she put on her coat and was about to go outta the house, she found another 10 dollars in her coat pocket.

The last 10 dollars that she found showed the ultimate trust in God because she was actually about to go outta the house with only 20 dollars but at the VERY last minute, she found another 10 dollars. Through these many incidents, God showed her how small and personal He can be in her life. She never thought that God could be bothered with the little things in her life. And He just showed that to her.

Amazing God.

The pastor in church shared about his best friend, his grandson. He told us that he spent an entire week with him doing the things that his grandson wanted to do. Then one day, his grandson said to him that he felt useless because he wasn’t strong like the rest of his friends in kindergarten. He wasn’t as tall as well. And the pastor told him about “the man in the tree” in the bible. This man was short compared with the other men who were welcoming Jesus. He couldn’t see Jesus and he just wanted a glimpse of Him so he climbed up a tree. Jesus stopped at the tree and looked up and said to the man, “I must come into your house”. This man was a tax collector. People hated these people the most. People scoffed at the fact that Jesus was going to a sinner’s house! But we forget that God uses the “weakest” and “most useless” people to do the greatest things for His purpose.

I immediately knew that this sermon was speaking to me.

I get a lot of “devotion” emails from the founder of my church in nyc. Many times, I would just ignore them until I found time to read them. I have to confess that reading my devotions were not 1st priority whenever I checked my email. So the “devotions” in my inbox just accumulated.

Then a few days ago(about a week), I sent an email to my friend saying jokingly that “If only God would drop me an email to let me know what he wanted me to do.” Or even just to assure me that everything will be alright.

This evening, when I checked my email, I decided to read the past devotions that had accumulated in my inbox. I read this-

God is a promise-maker and a promise-keeper and he has spoken to my heart about four things God’s people should trust him for. These expectations are based on promises God has made to us.



1. Expect to be rewarded as you diligently seek the Lord. “[God] is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him” (Hebrews 11:6).

You can ask in faith for a token for God to encourage and rekindle your confidence. God is always on time, and he knows you need a ray of hope and good news in your testing time. Expect him to keep his promise to reward you now when you are in greatest need. God cannot lie. He said he rewards those who diligently seek him. Seek him daily and believe that this year will be your year of great spiritual blessing.



2. Expect to see evidence of a progressive miracle in your life. “With God all things are possible” (Mark 10:27).

I believe in instantaneous and progressive miracles. Progressive miracles start in unseen, quiet ways and unfold little by little, one small mercy at a time. Expect to see God working in mysterious ways, unseen to the human eye.



3. Expect to enter into God’s promised place of rest. “There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God…enter into that rest” (Hebrews 4:9,11).

In the last few years we have seen an outpouring of incredible calamities, problems and trials. In the midst of this, the Lord desires that you believe him to bring you into his promised rest. God never intended that his children live in fear and despair. We need a reckless faith and trust in God in the face of fear, trouble and death itself.



4. Expect the Holy Spirit to be always in his temple. “Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost?” (1 Corinthians 6:19).

The Holy Spirit abides in the heart of the believer. He is omnipresent throughout the world. I face each day acknowledging that he is here in his temple to comfort me, guide me, encourage me, anoint me, and to reveal the glory of Jesus Christ in ever-increasing revelation. He desires that you expect him to make his presence manifest to you, and more so each passing day. He wants to bring you into unshakable faith, just as he did his disciples.



Believe these promises! Lay hold of these expectations and you will see God do marvelous things.

And this-

The Old Testament is filled with God’s miracle-working power, from the opening of the Red Sea, to God speaking to Moses from the burning bush, to Elijah calling down fire from heaven. All these were instantaneous miracles. The people involved could see them happening, feel them and thrill to them. And they are the kinds of miracles we want to see today, causing awe and wonder. We want God to rend the heavens, come down to our situation and fix things in a burst of heavenly power.



But much of God’s wonder-working power in his people’s lives comes in what are called “progressive miracles.” These are miracles that are hardly discernable to the eye. They’re not accompanied by thunder, lightning or any visible movement or change. Rather, progressive miracles start quietly, without fanfare, and unfold slowly but surely, one step at a time.



Both kinds of miracles—instantaneous and progressive—were witnessed at Christ’s two feedings of the multitudes. The healings he performed were immediate, visible, easily discerned by those present on those days. I think of the crippled man with a gnarled body, who suddenly had an outward, physical change so that he could run and leap. Here was a miracle that had to astonish and move all who saw it.



Yet the feedings that Christ did were progressive miracles. Jesus offered up a simple prayer of blessing, with no fire, thunder or earthquake. He merely broke the bread and the dried fish, never giving a sign or sound that a miracle was taking place. Yet, to feed that many people, there had to be thousands of breakings of that bread and those fish, all through the day. And every single piece of bread and fish was a part of the miracle.


This is how Jesus performs many of his miracles in his people’s lives today. We pray for instantaneous, visible wonders, but often our Lord is quietly at work, forming a miracle for us piece by piece, bit by bit. We may not be able to hear it or touch it, but he is at work, shaping our deliverance beyond what we can see.

And this-

“Jesus called his disciples unto him, and said, I have compassion on the multitude, because they continue with me now three days, and have nothing to eat: and I will not send them away fasting, lest they faint in the way” (Matthew 15:32).



I believe Christ was making a statement to his disciples here. He was saying, “I’m going to do more for the people than heal them. I’ll make sure they have enough bread to eat. I’m concerned about everything that affects their lives. You have to see that I am more than just power. I am also compassion. If you see me only as a healer, a miracle worker, you will fear me. But if you also see me as compassionate, you’re going to love and trust me.”



I am writing this message for all who are on the brink of exhaustion, about to faint, overwhelmed by your present situation. You’ve been a faithful servant, feeding others, confident that God can do the impossible for his people. Yet you have some lingering doubts about his willingness to intervene in your struggle.



I wonder how many readers of this message have spoken words of faith and hope to others who are facing distressing, seemingly hopeless situations? You have urged them, “Hold on! The Lord is able. He is a miracle-working God, and his promises are true. So, don’t lose hope, because he’s going to answer your cry.”



“Do you really believe in miracles?” That’s the question the Holy Spirit asked of me. My answer was, “Yes, of course, Lord. I believe in every miracle I’ve read about in Scripture.” Yet this answer is not good enough. The Lord’s question to each one of us really is, “Do you believe I can work a miracle for you?” And not just one miracle, but a miracle for every crisis, every situation we face. We need more than Old Testament miracles, New Testament miracles, and by-gone miracles in history. We need up-to-date, personal miracles that are designed just for us and our situation.



Think of the one difficulty you’re facing right now, your greatest need, your most troubling problem. You’ve prayed about it for so long. Do you really believe the Lord can and will work it out, in ways you can’t conceive? That kind of faith commands the heart to quit fretting or asking questions. It tells you to rest in the Father’s care, trusting him to do it all in his way and time.

And this-

You may be in the middle of a miracle right now and simply not see it. It may be that you are waiting for a miracle. You’re discouraged because things seem to be at a standstill. You do not see any evidence of God’s supernatural work on your behalf.



Consider what David says in Psalm 18: “In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken…. There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured…. He bowed the heavens also, and came down…. The Lord also thundered in the heavens, and the Highest gave his voice…He sent out his arrows…he shot out lightnings” (Psalm18:6-9, 13-14).



You have to realize, none of these things literally happened. It was all something that David saw in his spiritual eye. Beloved, that is faith. It’s when you believe God has heard your cry, that he hasn’t delayed, that he isn’t ignoring your petition. Instead, he quietly began your miracle immediately when you prayed, and even now he’s doing supernatural work on your behalf. That is truly believing in miracles, his marvelous progressive work in our lives.



David understood the foundational truth beneath it all: “He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me” (Psalm 18:19). David declared, “I know why the Lord is doing all this for me. It’s because he delights in me.”



I truly believe in instantaneous miracles. God is still working glorious, instant wonders in the world today. In Matthew 16:9-11 and Mark 8:19-21, as Jesus reminds the disciples of the miraculous feeding of the 5,000 and the 4,000, he is asking them and us to take note of his progressive miracles and their role in our own lives today.




They ALL spoke to me. Every devotion that I read spoke to me in my situation. One thing struck me- That when God hears your cry, He IMMEDIATELY works a miracle quietly in your life.

I thought about what had happened today over a cup of cocoa. And then it suddenly struck me that God has been dropping me SO many emails and I just couldn’t be bothered to read them. If I had read those weeks ago like I should have, I would have felt so much more assured and confident.

God is really amazing.

I guess, like what mom said, I can surprise dad by actually sounding happy to be here. Hahaha.

10th Oct 2009

So I had “thee” most surreal day.

I brought Zhi Ying to Ellen’s Stardust Diner for her 20th bday lunch. Remember I told you guys about the singing waiters and waitressed waiting for their chance to get outta the diner and onto broadway? Yeaahh.. that diner.

So I got our server to sing THE HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG when the “death by chocolate” cake with ice-cream was being served. I handed him two leftover candles and a lighter secretly when I told Zhi Ying I was gonna ask where the bathroom was.

Guess what. Today HAPPENED to be “Birthday Saturday” and it seemed to be EVERYONE’S birthday! My gosh! They sang about 6 or 7 birthday songs before Zhi Ying’s. It’s no wonder she got a little suspicious. Hahaha anyway, it was worth it. I videoed the entire surprise down. Wooohooo!!! She doesn’t think much about bdays. I wonder why. I ABSOLUTELY adore birthdays. Someone celebrated her 21st bday at the diner. I thought that was cool place to celebrate a 21st. If only I didn’t have to spend MY 21st bday studying for a history exam. Wellll… at least I’ll remember my bday for life. Hmph.

So after the fabulous bday lunch, Zhi Ying and I walked down to 42nd street to take the train. I was greeting her with loud “HAPPY BIRTHDAYS” and loud BIRTHDAY SONGS. She was so embarrassed! Well, that’s the point isn’t it. Hahaha. I guess she was finally relieved when we finally went our separate ways at the train station. I guess she was pretty grateful as well. And that made me glad.

I decided to go to Staten Island. Yup. Just like that. I was there March 2008 but I never actually got off the station. I just took the ferry there and back. Hahaha. So this is actually my first time to Staten Island. I wanted to just find a diner nearby, have a hot cocoa and head back. However…

“Tuttoriso” caught my eye. There was a jazz trio playing inside. The price looked kinda reasonable so I went in. A band of three Japanese. A female flotist, a pianist and a double bassist. They were playing some bosanova melody. Sounded a little like “The girl from Ipenema”. I sat for about half an hour. I guess I ordered a little too much. Haha. Shan’t talk about that. The band left. Before that I heard them talking about a performance tonight at Holy Child Church. The trio was gonna play there. Anyway after a couple of bla bla blas, I made my way to pay at the counter and asked the waiter, Matthew, what was there to do on the island. Matthew asked if I wanted to attend the performance tonight at the church. Well, since I had nothing better to do, I thought, why not? Well, in between my “why nots”, I hesitated thinking if this guy could be some creep. I went outta the diner and across the road. I wanted to slip off when I saw him waving from across the street. Argh. Alright. Anyway, I did wanna go to this concert.

I hesitate to write this part of the entry cuz I have a feeling dad and mom would fly over here and personally see to my death for going out with a stranger. Well… he wasn’t EXACTLY a stranger. We exchanged some nice words… like… I told him… “These potatoes tastes REALLY good!” and he replied he will tell the cook. Arrghh anyway, I really wanna record this interesting day down. And nothing happened to me. I prayed about it. So Thank God. Anyway, this’ll prolly be the first and last time. Okok. This WILL be the first and last time. I HAD to have this experience at least once in my life!

So anyway, Matthew wanted to grab some dinner. I just had water cuz I was completely bloated from the food at “Tuttoriso”. I learnt that he works at the diner twice a week. He’s a singer and guitarist on Fri and a waiter on Sat. He’s also fixes bathrooms and tiles them. Before this, he was a park ranger and before being a park ranger, he was a school teacher. Hahaha! Interesting fella. He’s most proud of his job being a park ranger. HAHAhaha! He’s half American, a quarter Irish and a quarter Spanish.

Anyway, back to topic. This really nice couple overheard me asking Matthew what was there to do at Staten Island, so they kindly told me there were old Victorian houses at St Pauls. I really wanted to see them so Matthew and I went in search of the houses. Unfortunately, they were no where to be found. Argh. Staten Island is so confusing. The roads are as complicated as in SG, except there are a gezillion times more roads. Anyway, we saw some REALLY REALLY beautiful houses. Took some pics. But seriously, it’s not the same thing. You really had to be there to experience how cosy these houses were. They’d look perfect during the Christmas season.

Matthew had to check out how to get to the church so I HAD to go back to his place with him to google the directions. I stayed downstairs (with his housemate), a cuppa Russian tea, a Congo (Yeah. He plays the Congo) and a terribly outta tune piano. It was so broken that when I hit one note, about 3 sounds were heard altogether.

After about an hour, we were all set and ready to go. He drives a red truck. Pretty cool huh. We got on and made our way to “Holy Child Church”. He got lost for QUITE awhile. And we were even about to give up. We finally reached the church at ABOUT 2015. I don’t really know cuz I had a really REALLY urgent need to use the bathroom. Argh… that tea… The performance started at 2030 but when he called, the staff said they start at 2000. So we weren’t late.

The performances were really pretty good! The acoustics was AWESOME. Not too echoey like many other churches. I liked the Haydn trio. A few members of the Japanese band composed some modern pieces. They were pretty cool. But I liked the classical pieces more. Ha ha.

After the performance, he stopped by 711? Or what seemed to look like 711 to get a banana and Canada dry soda. Then he dropped me off at Staten Island Ferry.

Even though, sometimes Matthew couldn’t really understand me and me him, in terms of jokes and why I seem to laugh at everything (well that’s cuz Asians sort of laugh to be polite) (cuz of cultural differences and also since he’s never been to Asia AT ALL, overall, it was a really great experience. An ADVENTURE, I would say. Hahahahaa! Yeah. That’s how pathetic staying in ny can be. I have to call THIS an adventure.

And dad, this might not be the way you want me to do it, but I CAN SO network.

There was no acting class on Tuesday. Somehow the teacher expects you to read the email that there is no class on the day of the class itself! It's not like we check our emails every 2 hours!

Anyway, G***** and I were there wondering for about 5 to 10 mins where everyone was. G***** came from upstate ny so he was pretty upset there was no class and he made a wasted trip here. When no one else appeared, we decided to have a good solid chat for the next 50 mins. I only knew G***** then! I saw him once during the first class and that was about it. Since it was just the two of us, I guess we just decide to get into this long interesting chat.

First, he complemented my sandals saying they looked absolutely comfy, then he mentioned how he got his really cool jeans from california and how he got a dozen of them custom-made. Yeah.. some of you might think he's gay or sth. but I found out that he was a trial lawyer and he got married. He and his wife didn't really click. yeahh.. guess we all know what happened after that. She was a pisces(water) and he a Leo(somewhat fiery). ahahaha! Well, and I thought opposites attract! He told me he travelled almost all of Europe but has never been to Asia. He's always wanted to visit Japan. hahah So I told him about the amazing toilet bowls that has buttons to press and he said he saw those in Hawaii called "Toto" and decided to buy one to put at home! ahahaha!! interesting fella. He kept a beard for like decades before shaving it to find out how he really looked like. He learnt Judo when he was 13.

Don't worry dad and mom. I didn't divulge our family secrets. He still doesn't know how many strands of hair you have on your head, dad. ahaha! anyway, it was an interesting 45 mins talk! he was amazed cuz he told an almost complete stranger almost his entire life in about half an hour!

Did I mention G***** is about 70?

We went our separate ways after an hour and I went to the lab to check my email. Yeah... The teacher sent us a mail saying there will be no class on THAT DAY and the week after! He told someone to pass the msg to G***** cuz he doesn't have an email.

GREAT.

hey... Sorry haven't been blogging! I still don't have internet in the apartment. Will get some asap! I NEED internet! Now I have to use the comp in school. arghh.. (to dad: yess.. I will clear all history.. sign out etc.)

Anyway, how's it goin'? For me, everything is fine as usual. Met some nice neighbours. The man next door is renovating his house and he's giving away free furniture! ooo! we got a cool reddish wooden box which we put our tv on and we have a pretty nice full length mirror. he's nice... but before I moved in, Bud told me that he tried to "stay over" in the apt. He was like asking her if he could bring over some beer and wine... hmmm... dangerous man. might be a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Anyway, moving my stuff was really tough. I kinda sprained my back, and I got blue-blacks all over. arghh.. But it's getting better. Thank God. It's getting REALLY REALLY cold here. like suddenly, it's freezing. The heater in the building is not switched on yet. Really hope they switch it on soon! It's 13 degrees outsideeee.. and the wind is pretty strong..