13 Oct 2009

I was feeling really stressed out this past few weeks due to anxiousness and worry about not being able to enter into the Bachelor’s program. Everything seemed bleak and the road ahead seemed really hazy. It was getting difficult to understand lessons taught and my voice lessons weren’t going as well as I hoped it’d be. I kinda felt a little useless because everyone seemed to be going somewhere. My friends who were behind me are now ahead. I just seemed to be stuck. Right here. Where I don’t even wanna be. I didn’t wanna write it for all of you to know cuz I just… didn’t. (and of course mom doesn’t want me disclosing my FEELINGS) anyway, I have this testimony to share, hence the entry.

I went to church on Sunday. Before that, I was in the train feeling rather upset and useless at myself for not being able to do what I want to do here. I was never really talented at… well… anything and I have been telling God for the past few weeks that I just wanted to be good at ONE thing- music. I prayed that God will speak to me through the pastor in church that evening.

That night, I heard a testimony that was very moving. This lady told God that she wanted Him to show himself small and personal in her life. She said that in the bible, God said to be “anxious and worried for nothing”. And just by that sentence, she has been testing God again and again and He always came through for her. One morning, she was driving in her car on the way to work. While she was driving, she suddenly realized that she left the keys to the workplace at home. If she went back to get it, she’d be late for work. Hence she prayed and told God that He said to be anxious and worried for NOTHING. So she was going to put all her trust in God. When she reached the workplace, she saw a light inside. And the door was unlocked. Praise the Lord. This never happened again.

Another time, she was very poor and she had to go for this party where she had to pay 30 dollars for a present she was sharing with her friends. Again she told God that she will be worried and anxious for NOTHING. And just hours before she went out, (I hope I remember correctly), she found 10 dollars on the floor, and just as she felt a craving for hot cocoa, she found another 10 dollars behind the cocoa box. And just as she put on her coat and was about to go outta the house, she found another 10 dollars in her coat pocket.

The last 10 dollars that she found showed the ultimate trust in God because she was actually about to go outta the house with only 20 dollars but at the VERY last minute, she found another 10 dollars. Through these many incidents, God showed her how small and personal He can be in her life. She never thought that God could be bothered with the little things in her life. And He just showed that to her.

Amazing God.

The pastor in church shared about his best friend, his grandson. He told us that he spent an entire week with him doing the things that his grandson wanted to do. Then one day, his grandson said to him that he felt useless because he wasn’t strong like the rest of his friends in kindergarten. He wasn’t as tall as well. And the pastor told him about “the man in the tree” in the bible. This man was short compared with the other men who were welcoming Jesus. He couldn’t see Jesus and he just wanted a glimpse of Him so he climbed up a tree. Jesus stopped at the tree and looked up and said to the man, “I must come into your house”. This man was a tax collector. People hated these people the most. People scoffed at the fact that Jesus was going to a sinner’s house! But we forget that God uses the “weakest” and “most useless” people to do the greatest things for His purpose.

I immediately knew that this sermon was speaking to me.

I get a lot of “devotion” emails from the founder of my church in nyc. Many times, I would just ignore them until I found time to read them. I have to confess that reading my devotions were not 1st priority whenever I checked my email. So the “devotions” in my inbox just accumulated.

Then a few days ago(about a week), I sent an email to my friend saying jokingly that “If only God would drop me an email to let me know what he wanted me to do.” Or even just to assure me that everything will be alright.

This evening, when I checked my email, I decided to read the past devotions that had accumulated in my inbox. I read this-

God is a promise-maker and a promise-keeper and he has spoken to my heart about four things God’s people should trust him for. These expectations are based on promises God has made to us.



1. Expect to be rewarded as you diligently seek the Lord. “[God] is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him” (Hebrews 11:6).

You can ask in faith for a token for God to encourage and rekindle your confidence. God is always on time, and he knows you need a ray of hope and good news in your testing time. Expect him to keep his promise to reward you now when you are in greatest need. God cannot lie. He said he rewards those who diligently seek him. Seek him daily and believe that this year will be your year of great spiritual blessing.



2. Expect to see evidence of a progressive miracle in your life. “With God all things are possible” (Mark 10:27).

I believe in instantaneous and progressive miracles. Progressive miracles start in unseen, quiet ways and unfold little by little, one small mercy at a time. Expect to see God working in mysterious ways, unseen to the human eye.



3. Expect to enter into God’s promised place of rest. “There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God…enter into that rest” (Hebrews 4:9,11).

In the last few years we have seen an outpouring of incredible calamities, problems and trials. In the midst of this, the Lord desires that you believe him to bring you into his promised rest. God never intended that his children live in fear and despair. We need a reckless faith and trust in God in the face of fear, trouble and death itself.



4. Expect the Holy Spirit to be always in his temple. “Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost?” (1 Corinthians 6:19).

The Holy Spirit abides in the heart of the believer. He is omnipresent throughout the world. I face each day acknowledging that he is here in his temple to comfort me, guide me, encourage me, anoint me, and to reveal the glory of Jesus Christ in ever-increasing revelation. He desires that you expect him to make his presence manifest to you, and more so each passing day. He wants to bring you into unshakable faith, just as he did his disciples.



Believe these promises! Lay hold of these expectations and you will see God do marvelous things.

And this-

The Old Testament is filled with God’s miracle-working power, from the opening of the Red Sea, to God speaking to Moses from the burning bush, to Elijah calling down fire from heaven. All these were instantaneous miracles. The people involved could see them happening, feel them and thrill to them. And they are the kinds of miracles we want to see today, causing awe and wonder. We want God to rend the heavens, come down to our situation and fix things in a burst of heavenly power.



But much of God’s wonder-working power in his people’s lives comes in what are called “progressive miracles.” These are miracles that are hardly discernable to the eye. They’re not accompanied by thunder, lightning or any visible movement or change. Rather, progressive miracles start quietly, without fanfare, and unfold slowly but surely, one step at a time.



Both kinds of miracles—instantaneous and progressive—were witnessed at Christ’s two feedings of the multitudes. The healings he performed were immediate, visible, easily discerned by those present on those days. I think of the crippled man with a gnarled body, who suddenly had an outward, physical change so that he could run and leap. Here was a miracle that had to astonish and move all who saw it.



Yet the feedings that Christ did were progressive miracles. Jesus offered up a simple prayer of blessing, with no fire, thunder or earthquake. He merely broke the bread and the dried fish, never giving a sign or sound that a miracle was taking place. Yet, to feed that many people, there had to be thousands of breakings of that bread and those fish, all through the day. And every single piece of bread and fish was a part of the miracle.


This is how Jesus performs many of his miracles in his people’s lives today. We pray for instantaneous, visible wonders, but often our Lord is quietly at work, forming a miracle for us piece by piece, bit by bit. We may not be able to hear it or touch it, but he is at work, shaping our deliverance beyond what we can see.

And this-

“Jesus called his disciples unto him, and said, I have compassion on the multitude, because they continue with me now three days, and have nothing to eat: and I will not send them away fasting, lest they faint in the way” (Matthew 15:32).



I believe Christ was making a statement to his disciples here. He was saying, “I’m going to do more for the people than heal them. I’ll make sure they have enough bread to eat. I’m concerned about everything that affects their lives. You have to see that I am more than just power. I am also compassion. If you see me only as a healer, a miracle worker, you will fear me. But if you also see me as compassionate, you’re going to love and trust me.”



I am writing this message for all who are on the brink of exhaustion, about to faint, overwhelmed by your present situation. You’ve been a faithful servant, feeding others, confident that God can do the impossible for his people. Yet you have some lingering doubts about his willingness to intervene in your struggle.



I wonder how many readers of this message have spoken words of faith and hope to others who are facing distressing, seemingly hopeless situations? You have urged them, “Hold on! The Lord is able. He is a miracle-working God, and his promises are true. So, don’t lose hope, because he’s going to answer your cry.”



“Do you really believe in miracles?” That’s the question the Holy Spirit asked of me. My answer was, “Yes, of course, Lord. I believe in every miracle I’ve read about in Scripture.” Yet this answer is not good enough. The Lord’s question to each one of us really is, “Do you believe I can work a miracle for you?” And not just one miracle, but a miracle for every crisis, every situation we face. We need more than Old Testament miracles, New Testament miracles, and by-gone miracles in history. We need up-to-date, personal miracles that are designed just for us and our situation.



Think of the one difficulty you’re facing right now, your greatest need, your most troubling problem. You’ve prayed about it for so long. Do you really believe the Lord can and will work it out, in ways you can’t conceive? That kind of faith commands the heart to quit fretting or asking questions. It tells you to rest in the Father’s care, trusting him to do it all in his way and time.

And this-

You may be in the middle of a miracle right now and simply not see it. It may be that you are waiting for a miracle. You’re discouraged because things seem to be at a standstill. You do not see any evidence of God’s supernatural work on your behalf.



Consider what David says in Psalm 18: “In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken…. There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured…. He bowed the heavens also, and came down…. The Lord also thundered in the heavens, and the Highest gave his voice…He sent out his arrows…he shot out lightnings” (Psalm18:6-9, 13-14).



You have to realize, none of these things literally happened. It was all something that David saw in his spiritual eye. Beloved, that is faith. It’s when you believe God has heard your cry, that he hasn’t delayed, that he isn’t ignoring your petition. Instead, he quietly began your miracle immediately when you prayed, and even now he’s doing supernatural work on your behalf. That is truly believing in miracles, his marvelous progressive work in our lives.



David understood the foundational truth beneath it all: “He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me” (Psalm 18:19). David declared, “I know why the Lord is doing all this for me. It’s because he delights in me.”



I truly believe in instantaneous miracles. God is still working glorious, instant wonders in the world today. In Matthew 16:9-11 and Mark 8:19-21, as Jesus reminds the disciples of the miraculous feeding of the 5,000 and the 4,000, he is asking them and us to take note of his progressive miracles and their role in our own lives today.




They ALL spoke to me. Every devotion that I read spoke to me in my situation. One thing struck me- That when God hears your cry, He IMMEDIATELY works a miracle quietly in your life.

I thought about what had happened today over a cup of cocoa. And then it suddenly struck me that God has been dropping me SO many emails and I just couldn’t be bothered to read them. If I had read those weeks ago like I should have, I would have felt so much more assured and confident.

God is really amazing.

I guess, like what mom said, I can surprise dad by actually sounding happy to be here. Hahaha.